An update to
our precious community
January 29, 2023, 5:31pm
At the exact moment that this letter reached your inbox, I took my first breath, 43 years ago. In this letter you will read about first breaths, that are being breathed into business, projects and a new life that rests ahead of us each and every day.
Today I write, first person from the singular I, sharing some big news regarding the cycle of death and (re)birth. Though Michael and I continue to share this journey together and what is outlined in the following text impacts us both, I write with my lone voice, the reason you will soon see unfold. This update my be choppy, lacking effective transition and flow, but stay with me, I am certain it will lead you to an exciting announcement that you do not want to miss.
In Parkersburg West Virginia, on January 29, 1980 at 8:31pm this Aquarius sun, Virgo rising, cancer moon, Adventurer/Epicure Type 7 on the enneagram and Human Design Generator was birthed. I come from the great woman that carried me, Debra Oblinger-Haddix, maternal and paternal grandmothers Lavonne Alvene Britton-Oblinger, Joyce Vivian Kucera-Vales, and a long line of other courageous, energetic humans that have been deeply committed to co-creating a life of living! It feels important to name those whose shoulders I stand on as I write to announce dramatic shifts and huge changes that are taking place in my life. Especially when the gift that they have given me is a life of purpose and the purpose to live life authentically.
It seems fitting that the weeks leading up to this day I have been significantly impacted by 100% voicelessness and a brutal cough. Western medicine makes sense of this by saying that I have been infected by Respiratory Syncytial Virus. However, it is apparent, to me that spirit and psyche are speaking. Instead of meaning making through infection it is clear that I am being offered the opportunity to navigate a relentless purge and accept the invitation to enter a space of deep listening. I am being guided by and through the embodied experience of transformation.
My intention here is not to center myself, writing about my birth or life or death but instead to provide context that illuminates what we mean when speaking about divine timing. When I reflect back on my life and how it has lead to the last 7 years, the year of 2022 and the months closing out this trip around the sun I am in awe of how each and every event, encounter, breath and step on this journey has been perfectly placed and lead me moment-by-moment to the perfect place.
It has been, yet again, a big year! We transitioned from van life to a bigger rig, leaving the great home base of Tacoma. Oso, AKA Whiddle Bear, Babaji, Bob, Gigi, the joy-bringer, continues to light our lives as our little pack of three continues to grow ever deeper in love. I became an Auntie, had another major hip surgery and am finding myself grounding as a Depth Psychology Scholar and Depth Practitioner. Michael embarked on new, unique healing experiences, transitioned from a great job with a PT company and impacted the lives of many with his profoundly healing touch. We spent the fall managing 4 beautiful properties in a National Forest in Silver Springs Florida and are enjoying a delightful winter with my fun-loving mother and her husband in the sunny citrus state.
3 years ago COVID invited me, like many of you, to slow down, significantly, take some time to go inward and really reflect on my work in the world. During this time we offered few ceremonies, classes, and retreats. Though I have a deep connection to the sacred plant medicine, cacao and my healing work/offerings, the energy that once moved through me, and propelled me into action was absent. I waited patiently, listening and trusting that when the time was right that energy would start to move again as would my enthusiasm to get back, “out there”.
However patience, deep listening and trust has instead lead me to connect with, touch and embrace an unavoidable sense of misalignment. It has become abundantly clear that my work, right now is not to be done “out there” and that the work of Kan’s Nest, through me, is at its end. Recognizing and honoring the honesty offered in living authentically I see clearly that I no longer have the energy or enthusiasm to carry out this work. The gifts, skills and offerings that I have to share with the world are different now and this deep knowing has allowed me to embrace the bittersweet decision to close our business. Thought this work is no longer authentically aligned with my purpose, there are others, that are in alignment with and have much energy and enthusiasm for offering these healing practices, ceremony and ceremonial cacao, out there.
A few months ago I began preparing some of our long-time, regular clients for this possibility and after some time we were approached, with interest in carrying on this work. Jen Breyer, a powerful Nurse Practitioner with a certificate in Holistic Nursing and Reiki Master and her pattern Tanner, an incredible healer have been growing a relationship with this gentle plant medicine for years and it seemed/s right for them to carry on where we are stepping away. Here we face the precious reminder of divine timing and the tangible experience of death and (re)birth. After months in prayer, practice, conversation, listening and surrender, it became clear that the energy and momentum that had been built within this powerful community needed to continue.
With reverence for this sacred, gentle plant medicine, trust in divine timing and a commitment to living in integrity I am delighted to announce that;
We have sold the business!
We are thrilled to know that Jen and Tanner will be continuing to offer ceremonial cacao and other healing practices through their wellness center, Metamorphic Vitality. Though you will see a different name, you will still have access to the same healing medicine with additional offerings and an expanded business model. These two, without a doubt have the energy, enthusiasm, commitment, experience, skill and presence to honor plant medicine, our teachers, and this incredible community by guiding others to live with open hearts. We are endlessly grateful that Jen and Tanner are now breathing new life into something that has been such an integral part of our life for the last 7 years!
As I navigate this personal death I face questions about my own path, what it means to live authentically and in my integrity. I have spent much time wrestling with the “shoulds” and all messages of “too-much-ness” and “not-enough-ness” that have lurked in the shadows. I continue intimately engaging with psyche through dream tending, synchronicities, numinous experiences, and uncanny moments that lead me to assurance that this is the “right” decision. As I let Kan’s Nest and my work in the world die in the way I once knew it/them, I am birthing a new world. This year I am breathing new life, in new places and new ways. To support this some other big decisions have been made.
The 53 high desert acres that we have been stewarding in the foothills of the North Cascade Mountains, will be listed on February 1. This magical healing space is now open to be cared for and stewarded by others allowing us to experience undivided energy and focus on the next project we are breathing life into.
We have taken the first steps in building on 5th generation family farmland in Long Bottom, OH. We will be returning “home” to tend to and nurture the 38 healing acres that were given to us by my father, down 3 generations before him! To be back on the river that I spent the long summer days of my youth catching crawdads with my cousins, on the same country dirt road that we walked countless miles with our Meme, collecting gooseberries in endless song and resting our bodies on the same vast field that we helped Gram make pie iron pizzas over an open fire, looking up at the same blue skies that carried the planes that we flew with Gramp, brings me an unexplainable sense of peace.
This year I am taking a break from focusing on the happenings “out there” and instead am offering myself time and space to fully commit to the exploration “in here.” This year my focus is on my research and writing and the wild, intense, incredible journey of begin fully committed to earning a PhD.
As I enter 2023 and my 44th journey around the sun I am eager to see what emerges from the year that is all about RECEPTIVITY. I am stepping back and taking this time to access the deeps in a new way. Input, listen, benevolence, receive, pleasure, learning, pause, and patience, are the words that seem to serve as a thematic guide for the journey I am now embarking on. So, in closing, I breath, with you. In and out. Life and death. Creation and destruction. Action and stillness. Inhale. Exhale. Being alone, together, we are birthing a new world.
Please stay connected
There is much percolating inside of me. I feel the geyser underneath the surface and though I do not know what or when it/I will emerge I am certain it will be beautiful, powerful and in alignment with the highest good. Whether the emergence will come from my academic work exploring the archetypal energy of the indigestible daughter, the support of transitioning from a system to domination to a system of partnership or a relationship with earth, community and spirit that is built through sacred hospitality, plants, prayer and practice, my/our greatest offerings are yet to come. Please stay connected and continue this journey with us. Though I am not active I am accessible on instagram @_desertair_ and via email at desertair@me.com
With endless gratitude and love…in trust and surrender…
May your heart always be open.
~Michelle Lavonne Kucera-Jewell